Chapter 9 Babe Tag HEA Challenge
by christibabe
Summary: Lester decides to get a few of his friends put on a show for Grandma Mazur and her friends. This is what happens next. This is the 9th chapter in the Babe Tag HEA Challenge story. If you want to know what's happened prior, please read the full story. This is a one-shot.


**Babe Tag Challenge**

 **A/N: The title is from** _ **A Fish Called Wanda**_ **and the quote at the end is from** _ **The Godfather**_ **. Special thanks to JenRar for her beta skills. J.E. characters are hers.**

 **Chapter 9**

"To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people!"

 **Everything worth having is worth fighting for.**

I looked around the VFW, but I couldn't see any sign that our plan had been made. I couldn't shake the feeling that someone had found out and planned to toss a monkey wrench right in the middle of things. Not that I would mind the excitement. I mean, at my age, you took what thrills came your way. On the other hand, I didn't want this to reflect badly on my new grandson.

My thoughts went back to Atlantic City. I was looking around one of them monkey casino hotel rooms when I opened the door to the bathroom, and there he was in all his naked glory. My eyes misted at the memory of seeing Ranger naked. Ever since that trip, normal males paled by comparison, and I knew I'd never again see such a magnificent sight. My friends had started commenting on my lack of interest in seeing naked males. How could I tell them I'd been to the summit and seen the Golden God and no longer had an interest in seeing ding-a-lings that didn't measure up?

A cough sounded behind me, and I turned to see Ralph watching me with his beady eyes. "Hey, Edna. Watcha doing in here? I thought you ladies had reserved the place from noon until five."

I nodded as I readjusted my dentures in my mouth with my tongue. "Yep. Just thought I'd come by and look things over to make sure we didn't miss anything when we were setting the room up."

Ralph got a sly look on his face that set the hair on the nape of my neck on end as he said, "Everything's just the way you left it. It's all a go for this afternoon."

I nodded, and because he seemed to expect it, I made my way to the door like I was leaving. As soon as I was out of sight, I ducked into the ladies room and piddled around for a few minutes. Seeing nothing else I could do to delay my departure, I left the bathroom and made my way toward the front exit. I was just going past Ralph's office when I saw that snake in the grass, Joe Morelli, shaking hands with Ralph.

I flattened myself against the outside of the office and strained to hear what was being said. All I could hear was Morelli thanking Ralph for the information. What exactly the information was, though, I didn't have a clue.

I heard the sound of approaching feet and hurried out of the building before I could be caught.

Frank's cab was waiting outside to pick me up, and as soon as I got in the backseat, my son-in-law turned around and said, "You look like you've just seen a ghost. What's wrong with you, old woman?"

I glared at Frank but remained silent. I still wasn't thinking too highly of him for all the years he'd let Helen have her head about what she thought was best for Stephanie. He gave up after a few seconds and just shook his head before pulling out in traffic.

It didn't take long for him to reach the Clip and Curl, which was where I was meeting the rest of the ladies. Lester had said that he'd have transportation to pick us up there and take us to the VFW. I still had almost an hour to talk with the girls and come up with a plan for just in case.

Frank pulled up in front of the building, and I got out and made my way inside. As soon as the door had shut behind me, Loretta turned the sign so it read closed and then locked the door before pulling the shade.

Misty's mouth was pinched as she said, "We got a situation, Edna."

For the next ten minutes, they filled me in on what was going on, and then we made a plan. It was just five minutes before Lester was due with our transportation when we were done discussing and putting everything into place. Just as we were about to relax, a knock sounded on the door, and Loretta went to see who was there.

Loretta grinned as she unlocked the door to let Lester in.

He smiled at us, showing off his dimple, and said, "Your chariot awaits, ladies."

Fifteen minutes later, he was escorting us into the VFW.

Everyone took their seats, and Lester leaned down to whisper in my ear, "I hope you ladies enjoy the show."

I smiled back at him. "We will."

Music started playing, and a hot-looking guy walked out on the makeshift stage. It was instantly obvious that he was one of Ranger's men. They all had that something that set them apart from the average Joe on the street.

As impressive as he was, though, he was no Ranger. Instead of watching the beefcake show, I turned my attention to watching our plan being put into action.

 **S & R S & R S & R S & R S & R**

Joe Morelli was going to die. Well, that is, if I survived whatever Ranger was going to do to me for this latest scheme of mine. I let out a sigh as I thought about the mess we were now in because I'd planned to give a few elderly women a thrill by putting on a sort of male-review show for them. Of course, that last hour was nothing like the strip shows I'd been to.

Everything started out just fine. I'd rented the VFW for a couple of hours. That would give us plenty of time to put on a show for the grannies, and then I'd take them back to the hair place. They'd go on about their business, and so would we.

The plan was going just like I wanted. I'd picked up the ladies in a stretch limo, and we'd gone to the VFW. Once we got inside, though, I didn't recognize any part of my elaborate plan to give the ladies the thrill I thought they'd get.

I guess I should have listened to the guys when they kept telling me that something was off. I just put it down to their not wanting to parade in front of a bunch of grandmas in what basically amounted to an eye patch over their crotch.

Still, things weren't going too badly and I was getting used to the bell tinkling at the end of each performance before the ladies started applauding. Of course, I discounted the Japanese fans that all the ladies were hanging on to since, even though the building was air-conditioned, it was still a bit warm with the lighting I'd had Junior set up for the show. We had a video camera recording the whole thing, and when it was all over, Junior and Rodriguez were going to make a DVD for all of the ladies so they'd be able to watch it whenever they wanted. Anyway, only a few of the ladies were waving the fans in front of their faces.

I was a bit disappointed that Steph's grandma didn't seem to be getting as big a thrill out of the show as I'd hoped. Then I grinned as my turn approached. I was confident that Grandma Mazur would take one look and I'd see the excitement in her eyes that I'd been looking for all night.

My music started, and I went out on stage strutting my stuff. The ladies started waving their fans in their faces, and I was just getting into my groove when the doors burst open and a bunch of cops came running in yelling about a raid.

It didn't take me long to find Morelli in all this mess. The asshole wouldn't even listen as I tried to tell him this was all innocent and he was making a mistake. I looked over at Grandma Mazur, and Morelli was lucky he wasn't six feet under with the glare she was giving him.

As we were led out to the police paddy wagon, my brain was scrambling to think of a plausible way out of this. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Hector slip away from the group. I grinned…then grimaced as I knew just who he was going to contact. I was a dead man.

 **S & R S & R S & R S & R S & R**

 _Oh, shit!_

This was bad, and I wasn't certain that I could save Lester from Ranger's wrath this time. Although, to be honest, the way I was feeling right at this moment, if I got to Les first, I might take a page out of Ranger's book and send him to a third-world country with the clothes he was wearing and a toothpick myself.

I booted up my laptop—the one Ranger had issued me so that I could do in-depth searches on low-life, scum-sucking, bad guys and not have to use my own personal machine—and got the footage of the raid. Sure enough, there in the lead was none other than that rat-bastard, Morelli.

My eyes narrowed as I zeroed in on the smirk he was wearing.

Suddenly, Morelli turned and looked right at me. His smile widened, and he mouthed the words, "Gotcha, Cupcake! Let's see you get the old bat out of this."

The rage I was feeling before was nothing compared to the emotions running through me now. I couldn't help but mumble to myself, "Lester, you're going to pay big-time for this stunt."

The tingling at the back of my neck had me turning to see Ranger lounging against the door. His eyes narrowed as he gritted his teeth. "What has Santos done now?"

I sank back in the chair and motioned to the screen. "He got my grandmother arrested for running a prostitution ring."

Ranger stilled, his blank look slipped over his face, and his tone was deadly soft as he said, "You want to repeat that, Babe?"

I grimaced. As much as I wanted to make Lester squirm for his actions, Ranger wouldn't be playing this time when he dealt with his fun-loving cousin. It would be no-holds-barred-ship-you-to-another-country if Lester didn't watch it. I let out a deep sigh and then forged ahead as I said, "Lester set a plan in motion for Grandma Mazur and her friends where all the single guys of RangeMan would parade around in front of them wearing just thongs."

Ranger ran his hand over his face, but there was no change in expression and he remained silent waiting for me to finish the explanation.

I lifted a shoulder in a half shrug and continued. "Grandma got wind of what was going on and set up a silent auction. She thought that part of the reason Lester was coming up with all of these crazy schemes was because he was lonely. So she talked with her friends, and they decided that while the guys were parading around, they'd have a silent auction so they could bid on the candidate they wanted for one of their unmarried granddaughters."

There was a miniscule narrowing of Ranger's eyes but no other visible sign that he'd heard anything I'd said. I took that as his way of telling me to continue, so I went on to say, "Apparently, Morelli has been running surveillance on Grandma, thinking that sooner or later, I'd get in contact with her, and then he could find out where I am. He saw the RangeMan guys go into the VFW and figured he'd kill two birds with one stone and arrest them all. His thinking is he's embarrassing you and your men and he's bringing me out in the open so he can get to me. Hector texted me about thirty minutes ago, and this is the feed that he sent. Morelli just confirmed what Hector and I were speculating with his last comment to the camera."

Ranger straightened from the doorway and headed in my direction. I went to move, but he motioned for me to stay put. Instead, he leaned over my shoulder and, with his right hand, tapped on a few keys to play the video again, then stood there watching as the scene played out again.

On the screen, you could see Lester parading around on stage in a barely there thong that just covered his male appendage. He was posing and giving all of the old ladies gathered a real show. Just as a bell tinkled, the doors burst open and Joe Morelli, Ronald Gaspick, and several other Trenton police officers raced into the room with guns drawn, saying, "This is a raid."

Ranger and I watched as all of the RangeMan guys, as well as the seniors, were handcuffed and led out of the building. When we got to the point where Morell turned to the camera and sent his message to me, Ranger stiffened and a low growl came from him.

Just then my phone rang. I retrieved it from my bag to see that it was from my mother. I rolled my eyes and connected the call. "Hello."

"Stephanie Michelle Plum! Do you know what those hoodlums you run around with have done? They've gotten your grandmother arrested! I'll never be able to hold my head up in the 'Burg again."

I gave Ranger a droll look as I replied, "Gee, Mom… I didn't think anyone in the 'Burg was still talking to you."

"Shut your smart mouth right now, little missy! Your grandmother is in jail, and this is all your fault."

The phone crashed in my ear, and I pulled my cell away with a grimace.

Ranger had his own cell phone out. Four words—I'm on my way—were all that he said when it was answered, but I'd have been terrified if I'd been on the receiving end of the message. I'd seen that look on his face once before. It was right after Abruzzi had kidnapped me and burned my forearm. Before the night was over, Abruzzi was dead.

I watched as he put his phone back in its spot on his utility belt, and then he looked at me. "Are you coming with?"

I nodded. I wasn't sure how I was going to do it, but I knew I had to go with him to keep him from killing Lester before we figured a way out of this mess. As much as I wanted to strangle Les right now myself, I couldn't let anything really bad happen to him, or I'd feel guilty for the rest of my life.

The drive, under normal circumstances, would take about three hours, but Ranger managed it in just under two. He didn't even slow down when we reached the city limits. It was fortunate for the cops that no one was around to stop us.

 **S & R S & R S & R S & R S & R**

Santos was a dead man. I'd been running my options of what to do with him through my mind for the past two hours, and no matter what the scenario was, everything came back to my finally beating him bloody for getting Stephanie's grandmother arrested for running a prostitution ring. How the hell did that happen?

I parked the Turbo in my usual slot and climbed out. I was aware of Stephanie joining me, but it wasn't until she placed the palm of her hand against my back that I instantly settled. How was it that she was able to calm me with one touch of her hand? Hell, when it came right down to it, just the thought of her had the ability to calm me.

All those years fighting this intense need for her wasted, when what I'd really wanted all along was exactly what I had now. I guess what they say about **everything worth having is worth fighting for** is true, and I'm just glad I finally got my head out of my ass and fought for Stephanie.

"Ranger."

I turned to look at her, only to see that her attention was fixed on the three people beside the elevator—Tank, Hector, and Stephanie's cousin, Eddie Gazarra.

I adjusted my stride to match Stephanie's as we made our way over. "Report."

Tank winced. "Sorry, man. I had no idea Lester was hatching another lame-brained plan like this."

One eyebrow rose, but other than that, I let nothing show. "How did you luck out?" I looked at Hector, noticed a slight flush to his cheeks, and stopped dead.

Hector looked down at the ground and shifted nervously from foot to foot. In all the years I'd known him, I'd never seen this side of him before.

Before I could question him, Eddie cleared his throat and said, "I was able to talk with Grandma Mazur before Morelli insisted on putting her in a holding cell."

I nodded to indicate he should continue while one hand went behind my back to capture Stephanie's hand and I wrapped my larger one around hers.

Eddie let out a disgusted sigh, then said, "I'm not the only one who would like to tar and feather Morelli for this raid. Half the precinct has a grandmother in lockup."

Stephanie frowned. "Why that particular charge, though?"

Eddie's gaze shifted to her. "Embarrassment factor. And everyone knows that you're his prime target. Unfortunately, there isn't anything we can do."

Stephanie nodded. "So tell me exactly what Grandma said."

We made our way into the elevator, and I pressed the button for the seventh floor as we listened to Eddie detail his conversation with Grandma Mazur. I picked up several key elements, and a plan started to form. By the time we reached the apartment, I had a working solution to the problem at hand.

My gaze went to Hector. "I need the footage."

He nodded and stepped back into the elevator as the rest of us went inside the apartment and took seats at the kitchen table.

My gaze once again went to Tank as I asked, "How did you stay out of this one?"

Tank shrugged. "Seems Hal and I were exempt because we're in relationships."

There was a knock on the door, and then it opened and Hector joined us. He placed a laptop on the kitchen table, and once he had it up and running, he typed in a code and the footage from the VFW started running.

Stephanie's mouth dropped open. She sat there for several seconds just staring at the screen, and then she frowned.

I placed my hand on her shoulder and waited till she turned to me before I said, "I see the wheels turning, Babe. Want to clue the rest of us in?"

"Grandma didn't tell Eddie everything. There was something else going on here."

Now she had all of our attention.

I gave a slight nod. "Explain."

Stephanie turned the laptop and put the volume at max before she backed up the footage and let the tape run a second time. After the third "performer," I caught on to what had drawn her attention. By the time Binkie—who was the fifth performer—did his little routine, the rest of them had caught on as well.

Hector glared. "What is your grandma doing?"

Stephanie shook her head, a bemused expression on her face as she told the rest of them what she'd already told me earlier. "Grandma was conducting a silent auction. See the waving fans? Those are the bidders, and the tinkling of the bell denotes the 'performer' has been bought."

Eddie grinned. "Only your grandma, Steph." His look sobered. "That doesn't help our case though. In fact, it hurts it."

My eyes narrowed as I searched for a way to fit the new information into the plan I'd formulated. It would be a stretch…but we might just be able to pull this off. "If this was all for a charity event, there wouldn't be a case against them."

Everyone looked at me.

Stephanie smiled. "Exactly." She turned to Hector. "I need a still photo of each and every guy who took part in this. Full-body shot. And if you can get twelve different shots of each guy, that would be perfect."

Hector nodded, although from his look, it was obvious he didn't know where she was going with this.

If I were honest, I didn't know for sure yet either, but I knew I'd catch on.

While we waited for Hector to return, Stephanie walked us through her idea, and I had to admit, my wife was a genius. Morelli wasn't going to know what hit him. Of course, if I had my way, the blow would be lethal.

Twenty minutes later, Hector rejoined us with a stack of photos.

Stephanie quickly riffled through them and then stood and kissed Hector's cheek. "These are perfect."

My phone chirped, and I took it out to see my lawyer, Daniels, had sent me a text to say there was a hearing on the case in fifteen minutes. I had an idea they'd kept him in the dark about the case coming up so that he wouldn't be able to inform me in time.

I stood, placing a hand on Stephanie's back, and said, "We need to move. The case is being heard in just a few minutes, and if we're going to get there in time, we need to move now."

Ten minutes later, we were walking into the courthouse. The minute we walked into the courtroom, I could see each of my men stiffen, and from the looks on their faces, they knew they were in deep trouble. It wouldn't surprise me if they considered pleading guilty just to avoid the consequences they were going to face from me for their part in all this.

We took our seats behind Stephanie's grandma.

Grandma Mazur made a move to turn in our direction, but the guard seated beside her whispered harshly for her to sit still or she was going to be sorely sorry when they got back to the holding cell.

I could feel Stephanie tensing beside me, and I gently squeezed the hand I was holding to let her know that I'd heard as well.

The clicking of the door behind us as it closed told me someone else had entered, and from the pain in my neck, I had a feeling the person walking to the front of the courtroom was none other than Morelli. When he got even with the guard seated by Grandma Mazur, the guard looked up and sent him a simpering smile. That explained why she was treating Grandma Mazur so harshly.

Morelli had just sat down when the case was called.

My lawyer moved to the front and introduced himself to the judge. He handed over the documents and photos that we'd brought with us.

The judge looked through everything, and from the nodding he was doing, I knew that he was accepting our take on things. The judge looked up and scanned the people in front of him. All of a sudden, he stiffened and his eyes got big. There was a pink tinge to his cheeks, and he looked like he'd swallowed something sour.

Stephanie leaned over and whispered, "The third lady from the right is his mother."

I felt the corner of my mouth move but gave no other sign that I'd heard.

The judge—Randolph Appleman—sat forward and looked at the group before him. "I've been informed that all of you were gathered at the VFW for a benefit to raise money for the children's wing at St. Francis. While I can't say I condone your method of raising money, it is effective. According to these receipts, you ladies have managed to raise over fifty thousand dollars. That's quite impressive."

Appleman's gaze turned to the RangeMan guys, and he swallowed hard before continuing. "I'm sure your participation in this event is appreciated. If there's a next time, you might want to consider wearing a bit more apparel, though. Some of these photos are quite racy."

I could see that my men were perplexed. They had no clue what the judge was talking about or why they seemed to be getting off the hook, but they weren't dummies and no one was saying anything.

The elderly women with Grandma Mazur were just as confused, but they too seemed to know not to rock the boat.

Finally, the judge ran his hand through his hair and banged his gavel on the desk as he said, "Case dismissed."

Morelli stood forcefully. His hands were clenched in fists and his face was red, a muscle clenched in his jaw as he opened his mouth to say something.

Appleman glared at Morelli. "Watch your step, detective. If any of these people wanted, they could sue you for wrongful imprisonment."

Morelli wisely chose to back down. I heard his sigh before he turned to leave. The minute he saw Stephanie and me, his eyes went hard. We stared at each other for several seconds before Morelli stalked out of the courtroom.

Stephanie hugged her grandma, and then we joined the others leaving the courtroom.

Grandma Mazur said, "How did you pull this off?"

Stephanie smiled. "Hector arranged for the photos, and Ranger knows someone who was able to make the calendars. Of course, Ranger also made arrangements for the fifty-thousand-dollar check payable to the St. Francis Children's Ward."

Grandma turned to me with a smile. "Don't be too hard on Lester. It was a nice idea. Of course, he doesn't know that I've already seen the cream de le cream of male appendages and no other man can compare." She winked.

I chuckled. "It's nice of you to try to smooth things over for him…"

She waved her hand in front of her face. "Yeah, but you'll bust his butt anyway, right. Well, I tried. Don't hurt him too badly, though. He has a date with Sarah Rawlins Saturday night. Her grandmother, Bernice, won the bid."

I looked at her with narrowed eyes. "Do the guys know that you auctioned them off?"

Grandma's eyes widened. "Heavens, no! They would never have agreed to that."

I let the corner of my mouth lift. "Don't worry. I'll make the dates part of the consequences for putting their plan into motion."

Grandma Mazur's eyes lit up. "Oh, goodie. I can't wait. I wouldn't be surprised if some of your guys left their bachelor days behind them."

By now we'd reached the hallway outside the courtroom where my men were standing. I knew they'd heard the last statement because they'd each stiffened. Of course, that might have something to do with my presence as well.

I nodded at my men. "I'm glad you're all here. Grandma Mazur has just informed me that each of you has a date with destiny."

Lester frowned. "I think you misunderstood, Mrs. Mazur. This was a one-time deal."

I folded my arms across my chest. "She didn't misunderstand anything. While you idiots were dancing around in next to nothing, the ladies were bidding to see who would win your companionship for an evening. I've just assured her that each of you will follow through with your…date."

My gaze brooked no argument.

Ten pairs of eyes glared in Lester's direction.

Hector chuckled.

Grandma patted Hector's arm. "I'm so glad you are enjoying this. I'm sure you'll hit it off with Margaret's grandson. He's a marvelous young man."

Hector looked like he'd been sucker-punched. His gaze darted to me, and I just looked at him. After a couple of seconds, he winced and said, "Just tell me when to meet him."

The look he sent Lester would have had a lesser man pissing his pants. My cousin just shrugged and said, "No reason to leave you out of the fun."

I let my gaze go to Lester as I told him, "You're on monitor duty in thirty minutes. You better get moving so you're in uniform."

Lester winced. He opened his mouth to say something, but then for once in his life, he got smart and shut it again without commenting.

I turned to the rest of the men and said, "As I said, every one of you will fulfill your obligations and treat your dates to a night they won't forget. I'm tired of these shenanigans. From now on, anyone who takes part in one of his little schemes will suffer the same fate as Lester. I have to tell you, I'm thinking more and more of sending him to a third-world country with no more than what he was wearing while strutting his stuff tonight. Just remember that the next time he tells you about one of his little plans."

Bobby's gaze met mine, and he looked like he meant business. When I heard his last line, I couldn't help but think that would fit in regards to Morelli too. "Don't worry. I'm tired of taking the heat for his lame-brained plots. I'm not going to wait till he comes up with another one. No sir! As soon as I get back to RangeMan, **'I'm gonna make him an offer he can't refuse.'"**

 **There you go,** **Girliegirl1179. Tag, you're it!**


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